Outcast
by Lady Arcorna
Summary: I'm back. Peregrin Took's life is hell itself. Can Merry save him?
1. Chapter 1

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: All those characters belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. Ivy Sandyman, the Took's nurse, belongs to me.  
  
A/N: Everybody feels like an outcast sometimes ...  
  
1 Chapter 1  
  
"AHHH!!!"  
  
Peregrin Took cried out as his father beat him up once again.  
  
He didn't know what he had done that time, but he guessed that he deserved his punishment.  
  
Whenever he did something stupid –like putting worms in his father's beer can- he was punished and he'd gotten used to it.  
  
"It's so embarassing!", Paladin Took yelled. "You're a disgrace to our family!"  
  
Pippin, as his friends called him, started to cry.  
  
He didn't care about the physical pain, but he did care a lot about what his father had said.  
  
Everybody seemed to hate him.  
  
Everybody was disappointed.  
  
"Stop crying!", his father ordered. "That's so disgusting!"  
  
Pippin couldn't help it.  
  
He felt so sad and lonely. Why did noboy understand him? Why did nobody care?  
  
His mother entered the room and put a hand on his father's arm.  
  
"Paladin.", she said softly. "Please stop it. Merry is going to visit him tomorrow and you don't want him to be bruised then, do you."  
  
Paladin sneered.  
  
"Why would anybody want to visit him, anyway?!"  
  
But then he left his son with one final slap.  
  
His mother rushed to his side.  
  
"My poor little Pippin.", she whispered. "You're my youngest son after all. I should protect you, but you know your father."  
  
"It hurts.", Pippin replied, silently. "It hurts so much."  
  
Pippin's mother thought that he meant his bruises.  
  
"I'll tell Ivy to come to you later. She'll do something about your wounds.", she said and kissed her son's forehead.  
  
Then she walked out of the room and left him.  
  
Ivy Sandyman, the nurse, came to his room about two hours later.  
  
"Poor little baby.", she said as she saw Pippin in his misery.  
  
She washed his wounds with clean water and bandaged them.  
  
"Your father said that we mustn't give food to you, but here's some bread.", Ivy told the young hobbit.  
  
"It hurts.", Pippin tried to explain to her.  
  
"I know. It' going to be a hard night, but it won't hurt as much tomorrow.", Ivy promised.  
  
And she too left the young Took behind.  
  
  
  
"Good morning!", Merry called as he saw Paladin Took coming towards him.  
  
"Good morning, Merry!", Paladin answered, friendly. "How are you doing?"  
  
"I'm fine! Why should I feel bad on a morning like that?", Merry replied and pointed to the deep blue sky.  
  
Paladin laughed.  
  
"Is Pippin at home?", Merry asked.  
  
Paladin's face clouded over.  
  
"Yes, he is. I have important business in the town. I have to go now."  
  
Merry wondered why Paladin behaved like that when it came to Pippin.  
  
Merry really cared about his younger cousin; he was his best friend after all.  
  
  
  
Pippin was still laying on his bed, but he couldn't sleep.  
  
His back hurt. His chest hurt. His face hurt.  
  
But more than all that hurt his soul.  
  
He had forgotten about Merry a long time ago.  
  
Why would anybody want to visit a freak like him anyway?  
  
  
  
Merry met Pippin's mother as he walked to his room.  
  
"Merry!", she greeted him, happily.  
  
"Good morning! Where is Pippin?", he asked.  
  
"He ... well ... he's in his room. He doesn't feel well."  
  
Merry nodded, slowly. Something was going on in that house.  
  
"Am I allowed to see him?", Merry asked, worriedly.  
  
"Sure."  
  
Pippin's mother smiled.  
  
"He'd like to see you, I think."  
  
Merry walked in. It was dark and he could hardly see anything – but there he was. There was little Pippin, panting heavily as if he was in pain.  
  
Merry stepped closer.  
  
"Pippin?"  
  
Pippin turned his head slightly so that Merry could see that Pippin's left cheekbone was bruised.  
  
"Oh my God.", he whispered. "What happened?"  
  
"Nothing. Go away."  
  
Pippin turned around again.  
  
"Pip, what did happen to you? Who beat you up?! I'm going to beat up that bastard, too!"  
  
"So you want to beat up my father then?", Pippin asked, silently.  
  
Merry gasped.  
  
"But why did he do that?"  
  
"Because I'm a freak. I'm a disappointment for my family."  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"I ... it was just one can of beer ... I mean ... I just wanted to try it."  
  
"He beat you up because you drank beer?!"  
  
Pippin moaned.  
  
"Leave me alone, Merry. Please."  
  
"No. You need me and I'm not going to leave you."  
  
He sat down beside Pippin and started to stroke his back.  
  
Pippin winced.  
  
"No ... that hurts."  
  
Merry frowned and pulled up his cousin's loose shirt.  
  
Pippin's soft skin was ruined; there were lots of blue, green, yellow and purple bruises there.  
  
Pippin whimpered as Merry touched them, gently.  
  
Pippin knew that Merry was going to tell him that he was poor, but then he would abandon him just like his mother and Ivy.  
  
"Poor little Pippin."  
  
Tears started to form in Pippin's eyes.  
  
He wanted Merry to stay. He was the only one who maybe cared.  
  
But then something suprising happened: Merry lifted his cousin out of the bed and carried him out of the room.  
  
"Merry! What are you doing?", Pippin asked.  
  
"You're coming with me. I will not leave you here with that insane bastard."  
  
Merry took one of the Took's ponies and helped Pippin up. Then he sat down behind his friend and they rode away. 


	2. Chapter 2

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They belong to my master, J.R.R. Tolkien.  
  
Daisy, the Brandybuck's nurse, does belong to me.  
  
A/N: Oh well, that's chap. 2. Enjoy reading.  
  
1 Chapter 2  
  
It was late when they arrived at Brandy Hall.  
  
Pippin was asleep and Merry was exhausted. He lifted the young Took from the pony and carried him into his house.  
  
"What is going on? What's wrong with Pippin?", Merry's mother asked as she walked towards the entrance.  
  
"I'll tell you later. Just get Daisy.", Merry replied and walked to his room.  
  
There he put down his cousin on the bed and sat down beside him, holding his hand with two of his.  
  
"Don't give up on yourself, Pip.", he whispered. "You'll be all right."  
  
Soon Daisy, the Brandybuck's nurse, stepped into the room.  
  
"What's wrong, Merry?", she asked.  
  
She was using his nickname since she had been the mid-wife at his birth and knew him very well.  
  
"Daisy, you musn't tell my parents, but Pippin's father ... he beat him up. I think it's very bad. I-I just took him with me."  
  
Daisy frowned, but then she smiled. She knew that Merry cared a lot about his younger relatives, especially about the young Took.  
  
"Now let's see ...", she murmured as she examined Pippin.  
  
Her face clouded over and soon she looked very very angry.  
  
"His father is a monster. Poor child."  
  
"He would not like being called a child. He's 19 after all."  
  
"He is a child.", Daisy contradicted. "A poor little hobbit child. Look at him. Everything's bruised. And his face ..."  
  
Tears started to form in Daisy's eyes. She loved children: children of Men, Elven children and of course hobbit children and it always hurt to see them wounded.  
  
"How could he do that?! What did that poor baby do?", Daisy asked, furiously.  
  
"He stole a can of beer, I think. You know the Took family is very strict when it comes to that. You have to be twenty. Then and only then you are allowed to drink alcohol. Poor Pip."  
  
"We should talk to your mother though.", Daisy said and started to bandage Pippin. "She would understand."  
  
"Well, all right. But ... could ... you?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
Daisy smiled and then she left the two hobbits alone.  
  
  
  
Pippin woke up about one hour later.  
  
He felt sore and hungry and he didn't know where he was at first.  
  
"Merry?", he asked.  
  
But probably Merry was gone. Why would anybody want to be with a freak like him?  
  
Pippin started to cry. He had no friends. Everybody, even his own father, hated him. What had he done to deserve that?  
  
Then he felt arms around his body that cradled him gently.  
  
"Shhh, don't cry, my dear Pippin.", Merry whispered. "I'm here. I'm always here for you."  
  
"Merry? Wh-where a-are we-e?", Pippin sobbed.  
  
"We're at Brandy Hall. Don't be afraid. He's not here. He won't hurt you."  
  
"Wh-why did y-you ta-take me to Brandy Hall? Why do ... do you stay with me?"  
  
Merry smiled, but Pippin couldn't see it because it was so dark.  
  
"You're my best friend, Pippin. I'd never leave you behind when you need me."  
  
Pippin snuggled up to Merry, looking for warmth and shelter. He liked the feeling of Merry's arms around him. He wanted to be held like that for eternity. There was somebody who loved him, somebody who cared. He was safe ...  
  
  
  
Daisy walked to Mrs. Brandybuck after she had finished her work in the whole Brandy Hall.  
  
"Mistress, I have to talk to you.", she said, seriously.  
  
"Is it about the young Took?", Merry's mother asked.  
  
"Yes.", Daisy sighed. It was hard to talk about that since it hurt herself.  
  
No child should suffer the way Pippin did.  
  
"What did happen?", Mistress Brandybuck asked.  
  
"His father. Saladin Took ... he beat him up."  
  
Merry's mother gasped and looked at Daisy, obviously shocked. Of course the Brandybucks slapped their children, too, sometimes. Especially Merry who did stupid things all the time, but they never actually beat them up. Things like that just didn't happen in the Shire.  
  
"Is he awake?", she asked, worriedly. "How is he doing?"  
  
"He was unconscious the last time I saw him, but that is quite some time ago. He's bruised and has a few small wounds on the back, but other than that he should be all right."  
  
Mistress Brandybuck nodded and walked away to see Pippin.  
  
  
  
She knocked on the door first and when Merry asked her to come in she entered the room.  
  
It was dark, but she could still make out her son holding his cousin.  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Will you leave us alone for a while?", she asked Merry.  
  
Pippin started to whimper as Merry let go of him.  
  
"I'll be back soon.", Merry promised. "Really, Pip. Don't worry. I'll come back."  
  
"Don't go!", Pippin pleaded. "Not yet! Please."  
  
He stared at his friend with wide eyes and Merry just wanted to hug him and tell him that everything was all right, like before. But there was his mother waiting and so he could only smile at his cousin and leave the room.  
  
Mrs. Brandybuck sat down beside her nephew and stroked his hair.  
  
"Daisy, our nurse, told me. I'm sorry for what happened to you."  
  
Pippin's eyes widened.  
  
"Please don't send me back. I don't want to go back. I'll be good! I promise!"  
  
"Shhh. You mustn't get excited. You don't have to go back. But we'll have to talk about this with your father sooner or later."  
  
Pippin started to cry once again.  
  
"No! He'll punish me because I told you!"  
  
Merry's mother was shocked. That child was broken. His father had taught him to be afraid.  
  
"He will never ever hurt you. I won't let that happen.", Mrs. Brandybuck said and hugged him. "Trust me."  
  
Merry came in since he had heard Pippin cry.  
  
"Merry!" Pippin was very pleased when he saw his friend. Merry smiled.  
  
"Yes, I'm back."  
  
Merry's mother got up and pulled her son towards the door.  
  
"He'll stay with you. He needs comfort tonight, I think."  
  
With that she left those two hobbits who were so dear to her. Pippin extended his hands to Merry and so he walked over to the young Took.  
  
Pippin buried his face in Merry's shoulder.  
  
"Pip? How do you feel now?"  
  
"I don't know.", Pippin replied from Merry's shoulder. "I don't know what I feel. I do know however that I'm hungry."  
  
Merry chuckled.  
  
"Well, I could go to the kitchen and look for something to eat."  
  
"NO!"  
  
Pippin's eyes widened in fear. He didn't want to be left alone. He was afraid in the darkness. He didn't know why ... it had been something in his early childhood, but he couldn't remember.  
  
"I'll stay with you then. You don't have to be afraid."  
  
Pippin curled into a ball at Merry's side. He hoped that he could stay here forever. 


	3. Chapter 3

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: All those wonderful characters belong to J.R.R. Tolkien.  
  
A/N: Poor little Pippin will suffer some more ...  
  
A/N2: I'll hurry to upload. I promise!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Pippin was back in his old room in his father's house. He was a four year old child again. It   
was dark and he felt ... bad.  
He had had a lot of ice cream for supper and so he felt nauseous.  
Suddenly he tasted something disgusting and – threw up. The little hobbit didn't know what   
to do and so he just started to cry and hoped that his mother would hear him.  
  
She did as well as his father.  
  
Saladin Took stormed into the room and light a candle.  
  
"What did you **do**, little fool?!", he yelled. "Now look at that!"  
  
Saladin started to shake his young son. Pippin still felt bad and so he threw up again – on his   
father's shirt.  
Saladin slapped Pippin.  
  
"What do you think you do, you no good cry-baby?!"  
  
He pulled up the little hobbit and beat his back until Pippin started to scream.  
These piercing cries of his tortured soul cut through the darkness and woke up all the Tooks.  
Pippin's mother had finally reached the room and she too started to scream.  
  
"Paladin! He's a **baby**!"  
  
"He's old enough to know how a Took has to behave! He's my heir after all and I won't allow   
him to become a weak hobbit cry-baby!", Saladin yelled, furiously.  
  
Pippin was still weeping. He looked at his mother with wide eyes, but she didn't help him.  
  
  
"NOOOOOO!!!"  
  
Pippin woke up, panting. He wanted to get out of that room, he had to escape ... get away   
from him. Had to behave ...  
  
"Pippin!", he heard a voice beside him.  
  
"No, please I didn't mean to. I will be good. I promise!"  
  
His eyes widened and he looked even younger than he usually did. Merry reached over and   
took his cousin into his arms.  
  
"Pip! It's all right, it's me, Merry."  
"Merry?", Pippin sobbed.  
  
Merry nodded and cradled his friend as carefully as he could.  
  
"Yes, Pippin. Don't be afraid. He's not here. Nothing will happen to you as long as you're   
here with me."  
  
Pippin rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his way too wide shirt. Merry had given it to him   
before. It smelled like Merry and that comforted the young Took.  
  
"Merry? Will you be there when I wake up?", he asked, his voice shaking.  
  
Merry smiled and pulled Pippin closer in. He felt the need to protect this little hobbit. He   
wouldn't let anything happen to him.  
  
"I will **always** be there when you wake up. No matter what. Trust in me."  
  
Pippin put his head on Merry's chest and drifted back into sleep. He was safe ... Merry was   
there.  
  
  
The next morning came soon. It was a rainy day and so the Brandybucks had to stay inside.   
Merry got up early and got dressed. Then he waited until Pippin was awake.  
First the young Took made sure that his elder cousin was still there then he relaxed.  
  
"I'm hungry!", he announced from Merry's bed.  
  
"Then get up! I won't carry anything to my room."  
  
Pippin smiled and jumped out of the bed. He felt better. He loved the food that was served in   
Brandy Hall ...  
  
"So where's my clothing?", he asked.  
  
"My mother threw everything away since it was dirty and all. She didn't bring new ones   
though ..."  
  
"Well, this shirt will have to do then."  
  
Merry chuckled. His cousin looked ridiculous: the shirt reached his knees and the sleeves   
were long enough for two Pippins.  
  
"What?", Pippin asked, suspiciously. "I **do** look good."  
  
Merry couldn't help it and burst out in hysterical laughters.  
  
"Well, if you think so."  
  
Pippin folded his arms across his chest and glared at Merry.  
  
"You're mean."  
Pippin smiled some more. He loved being with Merry so much. He was still shy though as if   
Brandy Hall was a whole new place to him.  
He looked for a hold and so he grabbed Merry's hand. Merry responded to Pippin's silent cry   
for help by intertwining his fingers with his cousin's.  
And so they walked through Brandy Hall until they reached one of the kitchens.  
Pippin sat down on a chair and also pulled up his cold feet.  
Then he ate whatever they gave to him. He felt comfortable and the best thing was that he felt   
secure. No one was going to take his food away, slap him and yell at him tellig him that he   
was going to become fat. And Tooks don't get fat ...  
  
"Pip?", Merry asked, worriedly as if he could sense Pippin's distress.  
  
"I'm fine. Don't worry, please."  
  
Pippin forced a smile on his face and continued to eat some more. He didn't feel hungry   
actually. He had had enough food, but somehow he still needed more.  
Merry liked watching Pippin. The young Took seemed to be at ease at the moment. He wasn't   
afraid and that was good since Pippin was a happy young hobbit usually and it made Merry   
sad to see him like before.  
Then the door swung open and Paladin Took entered the room.  
  
"There you are my dear Pippin!", Saladin said and wanted to take Pippin into his arms.  
  
The hobbit shied away and his eyes widened.  
  
"What's wrong?", Saladin asked and looked at Merry. "Do **you** knew what's wrong with   
him?"  
  
Merry was confused. Wasn't Saladin supposed to be a monster?!  
  
"He ... he said that you beat him up.", Merry replied and blushed.  
  
Probably that was one of Pippin's stupid tricks once again. Most likely he had fallen from a   
tree-that was where the bruises came from and then he had made up that stupid story.  
  
"I?", Saladin said, surprised. "I couldn't beat up my little Pippin, could I?"  
  
He ruffled Pippin's hair although he knew that Pippin hated that.  
  
"You'll come home now and we'll talk about everything with your mother."  
  
"NO! MERRY!!!", Pippin cried out in horror and hid behind his elder cousin, but Merry   
pushed him over to his father, without mercy.  
  
"That's not funny, Pippin. I actually believed in what you said. I'm sorry, Paladin."  
  
"Don't worry. I know my son very well. He can be quite convincing."  
  
He grabbed his son't hand and dragged him out of Brandy Hall. He then lifted him up to the   
pony and sat down behind him like Merry had done the day before, but this time Pippin didn't   
feel comfortable at all.  
And really: as soon as they were out of sight his father started to talk to him and it wasn't a   
very pleasing talk.  
  
"So you went to Merry. You actually believed that people would trust you. That they could   
love you. YOU?! Of all people! Why would anybody want to bother themselves with a freak   
like you?"  
  
Pippin covered his ears. He didn't want to hear that. He couldn't take it anymore. Why did his   
father hate him so much? What was wrong with him? Why couldn't his father at least try to   
like him?  
  
"You're covering your ears?!", Paladin yelled and pulled away Pippin's hands.  
  
He took one of Pippin's wrists and pushed it back until he heard a sick little noise.  
  
"You're going to listen to every single word, my lad.", Saladin ordered.  
  
"Y-yes, sir.", Pippin sobbed.  
  
His wrist hurt so much and he felt that he was about to pass out, but he couldn't let himself   
allow to do so. His father would beat him to death.  
  
  
When they arrived at home Paladin just threw his son to the ground and got off the pony   
himself. He then kicked Pippin's tummy.  
  
"Get up!" When Pippin didn't move he kicked him again. "GET UP!"  
  
"PALADIN!", Pippin's mother cried and rushed out of the house. "Don't you hurt him! Do   
you want him to run away again?!"  
  
"He won't be able to run away when I'm finished.", Paladin replied and pulled up Pippin who   
switched between consciousness and unconsciousness.  
  
Pippin felt very dizzy and very lonely. Merry had abandoned him just like everybody else.   
Why did nobody love him? Why did nobody care? 


	4. Chapter 4

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: J.R.R. Tolkien created all those wonderful characters ... or maybe they   
were always there ...  
  
A/N: ACK! Sorry for the confusion: Pippin's father's called Paladin of course! You can   
look it up in "The Two Towers".  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Pippin was laying on his bed, feeling small and useless. His back hurt as well as his wrist and   
shoulder.  
Ivy hadn't come yet. The young hobbit whimpered. It hurt. It hurt so much. Why did this   
happen to him? He was a bad son and friend, he guessed.  
Not even Merry liked him. Merry ... his dear Merry ... he had let him down, too.  
Pippin wrapped Merry's shirt closer around his little body.  
Then the door opened and Ivy entered.  
  
"My poor little Pippin.", she said, as always.  
  
Then she bandaged his wrist and shoulder and once again left him alone in the darkness.   
Pippin cried himself into sleep; alone, lost and broken.  
  
  
Merry was walking through Brandy Hall, thinking about everything that had happened. He   
had really believed in Pippin and in some way he still did. But Paladin Took was a popular   
and rich hobbit. People liked him and supported him and so Merry was afraid to face him.   
Maybe he **had** done something to Pippin, but Merry wasn't sure.  
He needed evidence ... a witness ... anything. Then he could take Pippin back to Brandy Hall   
... he sighed.  
Poor Pippin! The young hobbit was probably afraid and hurt. What had he done?!  
  
"I'm a fool of a Brandybuck!", Merry murmured to himself.  
  
"What?!", his father, Saradoc Brandybuck exclaimed.  
  
Merry startled and tried to look as innocent as possible, but his father was curious as most   
hobbits are.  
  
"What did you do? Is it about Pippin?", Saradoc asked and looked at his son with wide   
**very** curious eyes.  
  
"Ummm ... yes ...", Merry answered, reluctantly.  
  
"What is it, Meriadoc?", Saradoc asked, seriously now.  
  
Saradoc knew that something was going wrong in the house of the Tooks, but he didn't know   
what it was.  
  
"I ... I ... Pippin told me something and I believed in him, but then Uncle Paladin said that it   
wasn't true and then ... then I believed in Paladin and I ... let down Pippin."  
Saradoc sighed and lead his son into his favorite room, the library.  
  
"I was always suspicious when it came to Paladin, especially after Pippin's birth. You won't   
remember since you were only nine years old back then, but we would visit the Tooks more   
often before that. And ... it was too early."  
  
"What are you trying to tell me, father?", Merry asked.  
  
"It's so hard ... well, I always knew that Paladin was a violent hobbit. He beat up Pippin's   
mother that night ... and then ... well then she gave birth to Pippin. Way too early ... They senz   
people to Brandy Hall because they needed more mid-wives. Daisy never told you, but she   
was there, too. And Pippin ... he was such a fragile baby ... and he was always sick and ...   
bruised."  
  
Merry was shocked. His father was in tears and that had never happened before. The young   
Brandybuck felt fury arise in himself.  
  
"So why didn't you stop it?!"  
  
Saradoc shook his head, sadly and looked up to his son.  
  
"I had no evidence and you shouldn't accuse a Took of beating up his heir without at least one   
witness."  
  
"But he's **bruised**!", Merry exclaimed, angrily.  
  
"You believed in the old Took as well! He can be very nice and convincing if he wants to!"  
  
"Then Pip is lost."  
  
"He was born in hell and he'll survive, my lad. You musn't do more or else I'll have to send   
you away for a while.", Saradoc Brandybuck said and started looking out of the window.  
  
  
Pippin got up early.  
  
Three weeks had passed since he had run away and he felt better. His father had been too busy   
to take care of him recently and so his wounds healed.  
He would never be the same though. He was a different young Peregrin Took now.  
He walked out of his room and stepped into the kitchen. His mother waited there already.  
  
"Good morning.", she said, softly.  
  
Pippin smiled and hugged her. He felt a lot better when he was with his mother and so he sat   
down on her lap and snuggled up to her.  
  
"My sweet little Pippin." She laughed and started to sing old songs to him.  
  
Pippin had always liked that and he really appreciated it now. He felt so good there. Warm   
and safe.  
  
"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!", Paladin yelled on top of his voice as he saw his wife   
with his son in her arms.  
  
Pippin winced in fear as did his mother. Paladin grabbed a strand of Pippin's soft hair and   
pulled him away from his mother.  
  
"NOOOOOO!!!", she cried.  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
He took his leather-belt and ripped off his son's shirt to beat him up as he always did.  
Pippin cried out in pain as the belt hit his back again and again.  
It tore open his already bruised skin and blood started to pour from his wounds.  
  
Pippin murmured one single word before he passed out: "Merry ..."  
  
  
Merry couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't concentrate on anything in fact. He was   
worried and angry and sad. These feelings had mixed up in his heart and drove him insane. He   
**had** to go to the Tooks.  
He **had** to look after Pippin! No matter what his father said, someone had to do   
something against the old Took or else he would kill Pippin sooner or later.  
  
"I'm a fool of a Brandybuck ...", he muttered to himself once again.  
  
He was stupid, so stupid and foolish. He had had the chance to end misery and what had he   
done?! He had pushed the young Took back into his father's arms.  
He hid his face in his hands to keep his face clean from the tears that started to flow.  
Merry was sitting on his bed; the bed Pippin had been in ...  
Then he felt a light touch and looked up.  
  
"My dear Merry.", his mother started. "Don't be too harsh to yourself. I should have done   
something, too. Anything ... but I can't. I'm too weak and your father won't help Pippin.   
Nobody can help him. Just try to forget-"  
  
"Forget WHAT?! Forget my BEST friend? My COUSIN?!!! No, mother. I won't do that. He   
can't hold me back much longer. Pippin needs me and I won't let him down."  
  
Mistress Brandybuck closed her eyes and shook her head.  
  
"Merry. You're just a little boy. You can't help him. Try to forget. Sooner or later someone   
will do something about it."  
  
"First of all I'm 28, mother. I'm old enough! And I will **NOT** wait! Nobody has done   
something so far and nobody will when everybody's like the brave Brandybucks!"  
  
"Don't talk about things that you don't understand!", Merry's mother replied and slapped him   
across the face.  
  
She stormed out of the room, furiously. She loved Pippin, too, but she couldn't help him.   
Nobody could ...  
Pippin moaned in his sleep.  
  
He had that nightmare again ... the one nightmare that might have explained his fear of   
darkness.  
But he could never remember much of it ...  
He was in another cruel world now, but maybe not as cruel as reality ... 


	5. Chapter 5

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: Random Guy: Lady Arcorna, you do not own these characters ...  
  
Random Chick: NOOOOOO!!! Why did you tell her?! Idiot!!!  
  
Lady Arcorna: They are MINE!!! My precioussssss!!!  
  
A/N: More Pippin angst ...  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Merry didn't feel very well. Memories of his bruised young cousin would haunt him as well as the story of Pippin's birth.  
  
Merry could hardly remember. It was almost 20 years ago ... but still. There was something that Merry knew he should remember.  
  
There had been something in his past ... but whenever he tried to remember darkness would cloud over his mind ...  
  
  
  
Pippin had to stay in bed. He wasn't doing very well although Ivy, the nurse, didn't understand why. His wounds had healed and his father had gone on a business trip to Bree.  
  
"He should do better ...", she muttered to herself as she walked through the woods, looking for weed that could help.  
  
Pippin was sad. So sad that he wished he could just die. He hadn't seen Merry ever after the incident at Brandy Hall. Probably Merry hated him now. Nobody cared so why should he get up?  
  
In the end he had to get up. There was a party at the Took's and his father had said that he had to come, too.  
  
"Those annoying Brandybucks are suspicious so you'll come, but you won't talk to them unless I tell you to. Is that clear?"  
  
"Yes sir.", Pippin replied, quietly.  
  
Paladin beat him up a few days before the party to make sure that Pippin remembered where he belonged to.  
  
  
  
"And then I ..."  
  
Paladin Took was talking about his boring, but very important business to Saradoc Brandybuck while he was smoking. He would blow the smoke directly into Pippin's face, who was sitting right beside the older hobbits.  
  
Saradoc looked as if he was about to fall asleep. He would try to catch Pippin's attention, hoping that his nephew would say something funny as he usually did.  
  
But Pippin hardly ate and he didn't talk at all. He was pale and looked tired.  
  
Then Merry who was also trying to catch Pippin's attention passed by. Saradoc grabbed him by the wrist.  
  
"Merry, please take Pippin for a walk. I don't think that he cares too much for smoke and our business."  
  
Merry took Pippin's hand and pulled him up which caused Pippin to wince in pain. His wrist still hurt. Merry looked at him, sadly and lead him away from the party- They walked together in silence for a while until they reached the woods and Merry spoke up.  
  
"Pippin, what's wrong with you?"  
  
He didn't say a word. He wouldn't talk to Merry ever again. It was useless anyway ...  
  
Merry looked at his younger cousin as if to get him to answer his question. Pippin just stared back. He felt insecure and didn't know what to say. Usually he was hiding his real weak self behind the masc of the funny happy young hobbit. He couldn't deal with that situation. He couldn't deal with it at all.  
  
"Merry.", he began, but then paused. "Merry, I-I-I ..."  
  
Merry put his hand on Pippin's shoulder and squeezed it. He really wanted Pippin to admit that he was hurt. Then he could help him ... Maybe ...  
  
Pippin cried out in pain as Merry did so. When his father had thrown him off the pony he had hurt his shoulder and it was still sore.  
  
Also his wrist still hurt, but he didn't care about that at the moment since Merry had started to un-do the buttons of his shirt.  
  
"What are you **doing**?", he asked.  
  
"Well, I'll see what is wrong with you now.", Merry replied.  
  
When he saw Pippin's shoulder Merry really wished to cry. It was bruised and had a sick shade of purple and yellow.  
  
"Pippin ... what happened? Please tell me. Whatever it was, tell me. I have to know. I won't get angry if you say it was your father. Just tell me the truth please."  
  
Pippin shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Merry wouldn't believe in him. He hadn't believed three weeks ago so why should he do so now?  
  
"Just nod if it was your father. **Please**.", Merry pleaded.  
  
Pippin swallowed, hard. How could he tell Merry? Merry, who had called him a liar? Merry, who had pushed him into his worst enemy's arms?  
  
Merry, who had been there in that terrible night? Merry, who was his best friend ...  
  
Pippin nodded and opened his eyes. Merry was staring at him in shock and horror. Then he put his arms around the young Took and hugged him as if he'd never let go.  
  
"My poor little Pippin! I'm a bad friend. I should have believed in you! **You** are my best friend. Not your father."  
  
Pippin sobbed into Merry's shoulder. This time everything would be good. Merry would be there ...  
  
"What can we do now?", Merry wondered. "We can't stay here nor can we go to Brandy Hall. What can we do?"  
  
Pippin murmured something, barely audible. Merry frowned and pushed his younger cousin a bit back so that he could hear him better.  
  
"What did you say, Pip?"  
  
"I don't care." Pippin looked up to Merry with tears in his eyes. "I don't care because he will get me sooner or later anyway."  
  
"No he won't! I promise he won't! I will never ever leave you, my dear Pippin!"  
  
Merry looked at the younger hobbit. Pippin's eyes were wide with fear.  
  
"Come on, Pip! I know where we can go to!"  
  
Merry started to drag Pippin away. The young Took didn't struggle, but he didn't seem to be convinced either.  
  
"What is it, Pippin?", Merry asked, softly. "Why won't you come with me?"  
  
"You're throwing your life away, Merry. He will never stop looking for us. He will find us and then you will suffer as well. Just leave me here, Merry. I'm not worth all that trouble."  
  
Merry stared at his friend, shocked. How could that child still be that innocent and sweet after all that he had gone through?!  
  
"Pip! Oh my God!"  
  
Merry hugged him once more.  
  
"I would throw my life away any time for you. But I won't do it now. We're going to be fine."  
  
Pippin smiled, softly and took Merry's hand.  
  
"Where are we going to?", he then asked.  
  
"We're going to see Daisy. She has a house a few miles away from Brandy Hall. They won't find us there."  
  
Pippin nodded slowly. He lead Merry to the Took's stables. The young cousins took two ponies and then rode into a new life. 


	6. Chapter 6

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine ... yet.  
  
A/N: Gets darker. Please only read if you are really really really sure.  
  
  
  
1 Chapter 6  
  
They arrived at Daisy's house in the middle of the night. Merry kept knocking on the door when Daisy finally opened it.  
  
"What's wrong?", she yawned, but then she saw Pippin and she understood. "Come on in.", she said and lead them into her comfortable little kitchen. Then she put her hand on Merry's arm and walked a bit away with him.  
  
"What happened?", she asked, silently.  
  
"He ... well ... I ... He told me what his father does to him again and I do believe now, but Daisy?"  
  
"What is it, Merry?"  
  
"There's more ... it's not just that what we know about. There's something else ... I've been there, too. I should remember, but I can't ..."  
  
Daisy's face clouded over as Merry told her about his own fear.  
  
"Sometimes, Merry my lad, it's better not to remember."  
  
Then she walked back to where Pippin sat and examined him. When she saw his little bruised hands and the fractured wrist, fury arose inside her heart.  
  
"That's going to heal soon, darling.", she told the young Took and smiled, friendly. "You're still young."  
  
Pippin looked up to her; his eyes were dark and full of tears.  
  
"Does he know where you live?", Pippin asked, softly.  
  
"No! Who cares about an old stupid hobbit lass like me?", Daisy joked. "I only have one guest room ... I never managed to afford a larger hole."  
  
She showed the room to the cousins.  
  
"You aren't hungry, are you?", she asked.  
  
They shook their heads in unison. They were not angry and Pippin doubted that he would ever be hungry again.  
  
He was a rebel now, an outcast. His father would hunt them down sooner or later and then also Merry would have to suffer.  
  
Pippin didn't want Merry to get hurt. His cousin was the most precious person to him in the whole wide world.  
  
"Merry?", Pippin asked as they lay together in the broad bed.  
  
"Yes, Pip?"  
  
"I won't let him hurt you. It's all right if he hurts me, but not you. Not you."  
  
Pippin started to cry, silently, so Merry wrapped his arms around him.  
  
"Shhh, Pippin. Don't cry. He won't hurt me."  
  
And so they stayed through the night; their young hearts in fear and distress.  
  
  
  
The next morning Pippin found himself all alone. He shivered. It was pretty cold in here without Merry's strong arms and his warm body. He walked through all the rooms, but Merry wasn't there.  
  
"Merry?" No response. "Merry?!" Still no response. "MERRY!!!"  
  
He ran out of the house. What if his father had come? But then Pippin called himself a fool. Of course his father hadn't come. He would've taken Pippin with him, wouldn't he have?  
  
Then Pippin could see Merry. He was sitting on a low seat beside the entrance.  
  
"Pippin!" He jumped up to take Pippin into his arms.  
  
"What's wrong, Pippin? Please, tell me."  
  
Merry lead his best friend to the seat, sat down himself and let Pippin climb up to his lap.  
  
Pippin put his head on Merry's chest and let him stroke his curly hair.  
  
"I thought you were gone.", Pippin said, silently. "But it's all right. I'm not afraid."  
  
Merry smiled and ruffled Pippin's hair.  
  
"You really know how to shock somebody, Pip. I thought a bunch of wild orcs was after you."  
  
Pippin giggled. He loved Bilbo Baggins's stories.  
  
"Merry ... if I were a princess and a bad dragon had kidnapped me ... would you rescue me?"  
  
Merry looked at him, seriously and lifted Pippin's chin.  
  
"I would. I definitely would."  
  
He got closer to Pippin and was about to kiss him, when they heard a cry of pure fury.  
  
They looked up with wide eyes to face Paladin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. It hadn't been Paladin's cry, though; Merry's father had been very shocked and angry to see his son in that situation.  
  
The two older hobbits rushed towards them. They grabbed their respective son and started to yell at them.  
  
"You no-good little brat!! What did you think you were doing?!", Paladin yelled and slapped Pippin across the face.  
  
"HOW CAN YOU DARE HURT THAT CHILD?!", Daisy yelled and stormed out of her hobbit-hole.  
  
Paladin sneered. Pippin was **his** son after all. He owned him.  
  
"Mind your own business, Miss Daisy.", he said. "A lad like him should be punished. Runs away from home twice."  
  
And then Daisy heard something else; Merry was crying out loud. Awfully loud. His father had just beat him for the first time in his young life so that it actually hurt.  
  
"Saradoc!" She glared at him, but Saradoc just stared back at her and then at his hand. He hadn't meant to hurt his son ... he hadn't ...  
  
"And now you're coming home, Peregrin.", Paladin announced and dragged the young Took over to his pony.  
  
"NOOOOOO!!! MERRY!!!"  
  
Merry looked at him with eyes that were dark with sadness and pain. But his father held him back. Merry couldn't go and besides he couldn't face the dragon ... not yet ... he was weak ... too weak ...  
  
  
  
As soon as they had reached home Paladin started to give Pippin his real punishment.  
  
"So we're a little whore now, aren't we, Peregrin my beloved son?", Paladin sneered and kicked Pippin's face with his foot.  
  
Some bone was breaking and his nose started bleeding. Pippin whimpered and tried to crawl away, but his father didn't know about mercy.  
  
He kicked him again and again. Soon Pippin couldn't even move a single finger. He was broken. His heart shattered.  
  
Maybe the sweet darkness he desired more than anything else in the world would come soon and deliver him from a pain too great to bear.  
  
But Paladin definitely wasn't done yet. He was just starting.  
  
"So, you want to be with someone from the family? So what about your father?"  
  
Pippin's eyes widened. They had never been that wide before as his father ripped of his trousers and did to him what no child should ever see.  
  
The princess was lost. 


	7. Chapter 7

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: It's all Tolkien's ... but maybe I WAS Tolkien in a previous life and so it's still all mine ...  
  
A/N: -  
  
1 Chapter 7  
  
Merry was crying.  
  
His father had never done this to him before. How could he? Saradoc was almost in tears himself. His only child ... He loved Merry so much and he just wanted him to be all right, but Merry wasn't supposed to run away with Pippin all the time. The Tooks were still too strong ... The Brandybucks couldn't stand up to them.  
  
He sighed ... his life was changed. It was the first time that he completely realized that he couldn't help, that he was supposed to sit and watch. The time of the great Brandybuck's was over ...  
  
  
  
Eglantine Took was stone faced as she walked down the hall way to her son's room. Her husband had come out about two hours ago, but hadn't allowed her to go in. Now he was drunk and asleep and she could finally look after her son.  
  
She opened the door, but she wished she hadn't. There he was. Her youngest child, once beautiful and carefree and now broken in every way possible.  
  
His trousers were still pulled down and Eglantine could see the blood that was still pouring out of her child. Fury arose inside her once gentle and loving heart.  
  
"That bastard.", she muttered. "BASTARD!"  
  
She ran back to the bed room and pulled her husband up. She didn't care about the consequence this would cause; she wanted revenge for what happened to Pippin. She wanted her husband to suffer the same way she and her whole family had through all these years. But especially Pippin of course who had gone through hell.  
  
"Eglantine ... what is it?", Paladin mumured.  
  
"What did you do to Peregrin?",Eglantine replied, as calmly as possible.  
  
"Nothing ... the little bastard got what he deserved ... What's wrong with that? Don't you dare help him. Get in bed!"  
  
Eglantine shook her head. Beside her fury she felt ... fear, pain, but also love. Once she had loved Paladin and she wasn't able to stand up to the man she had loved.  
  
"Pippin ... may somebody greater than this man save you. And please forgive me one day.", she whispered as she settled down beside her husband.  
  
  
  
Pippin woke up in complete darkness. He had had the dream ... the dream ... He looked down his own body and winced in pain.  
  
"Mama?", he asked.  
  
No reply.  
  
"Mama?!"  
  
Tears started to roll down his soft cheeks and he tried to curl up. But he couldn't. His broken body wouldn't do what he wanted.  
  
He sobbed harder now, shaking. What had he done? Why couldn't his father love him?  
  
The innocent young hobbit never thought that it could be his father's fault. It had to be his. It had to be ...  
  
After a while he fell asleep, but his dreams were haunted from images of his father.  
  
  
  
Merry was sitting on his bed, looking out of the window. The sun was shining, but he didn't care. His life was wasted. He hadn't been able to protect Pippin ... or himself for that matter. He could still feel the pain ... inside of him. How could his father do that? How? A single tear trickled down his face.  
  
"How great must your pain be, Pippin? You live in hell with nobody to help you. We are weak, you know. Weak cowards and that's what we'll always be. We'll be a nation of cruel men one day ... when we're older. If we get older ..." Merry was crying by the time he had finished expressing his dark thoughts.  
  
He hid his face in his hands, not able to face the world. He allowed himself to break and fall. He wouldn't be able to live on. No ... and it wasn't really important, was it?  
  
Suddenly he felt strong arms that lifted him up. He kept his eyes shut and snuggled into the person. He felt so good there ... everything was warm and familiar.  
  
"Oh Merry ...", Saradoc said, silently.  
  
"Daddy? Y-you're not angry?", Merry asked, shyly.  
  
"Of course not." Tears started to form in Saradoc's eyes, but he blinked them away. "You, my beloved child, you're the greatest gift I ever got and I could never be angry with you."  
  
"Daddy ..." Merry buried his face in Saradoc's chest and kept crying. Soon his mother joined them and she, too, cried. For her son, her husband and her little nephew.  
  
Dispair washed over them. There was no way out of this, but maybe death. 


	8. Chapter 8

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not Tolkien, I'm not his wife or one of his children. I'm just a lil girl whose first language isn't English who loves Pippin. Not Billy, but Pippers.  
  
A/N: Sorry!!! I should update more often, but my life is crazy, ya know ... I made up most of the stuff concerning Pearl.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Darkness ...  
  
Pain ...  
  
Why ...?  
  
Pippin tried to get up. His little bruised body wouldn't support him though and he collapsed several times until he managed to get up and in a sitting position. Somebody was sitting beside his bed.  
  
"Pippin.", a soft voice said.  
  
"P-pearl?"  
  
"Yes, it's me.", his sister replied.  
  
She wasn't living with the Took's anymore. She was married and lived about fifty miles down the river. Pippin had always loved her; her soft voice, her long black curls and dark green eyes. She had lost her first baby two years ago in an accident. The midwife had said she wouldn't be able to have children anymore and so she gave all her love to her sisters and especially her younger brother.  
  
"I'm here to take you home."  
  
"Home?"  
  
"My home." She sighed, deeply.  
  
"I'm not going to leave you here ... with father."  
  
"It's not daddy's fault ... it's mine ... I'm sure it's mine ..."  
  
And once again the little Took fainted. Pearl picked him up and carried him out.  
  
Merry was sitting at the kitchen table, eating an apple. His mother was watching over him to make sure he was eating. He hadn't had much food in the last few days. He was pale and miserable. Too tired to move, too tired to sleep.  
  
"Mama?"  
  
"Yes, darling?"  
  
"Why is life that unfair?" Mistress Brandybuck didn't reply. She was thinking of a good answer.  
  
"You remember when it was raining last year and all the water left the river and your pony was killed? Well, in spring our other pony gave birth to a beautiful new baby and you loved it really much. That can be life, too; life is cruel, but that's no reason to stop living. We always have to go on and embrace every new day."  
  
Merry nodded, slowly. He wasn't sure what to say.  
  
"But what if life is just dull and sad and painful?"  
  
"It never is. Not even Pippin's life. In fact he's dealing with this much better than you! He's the one who is going through this, but he's still smiling and taking it."  
  
"I know, Mama, I know."  
  
After that they both stared out of the window, looking at the rain that washed Middle Earth's wounds clean. 


	9. Chapter 9

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, yadayadayada.  
  
A/N: I'd like to say thank you ot all of you who reviewed. I'm glad that you like my story!  
  
Chapter 9  
  
The golden sun shone warm upon Pippin's fragile, little body. He was sitting on a chair in front of his sister's house. Two months had passed and his father hadn't come to get him back; he had simply forgotten about his only son and Pippin was happy. There was only one thing that made him sad: Merry. His cousin hadn't bothered to come and see him. It hurt. It hurt too much to bear and so Pippin tried to ignore it, but it would come back to him sooner or later.  
  
Merry was ill.  
  
Seriously ill; actually the doctor and the midwives were already talking about his death. Something had happened to him, something that couldn't be explained. Something that would kill him; nobody knew what it was. Nobody, but Merry. It was his memory. He remembered what had happened in that night, that night that also plagued Pippin's dreams ...  
  
"How is my son?", Mrs. Brandybuck asked Dr. Goodflower one evening, she was extremely worried.  
  
"I wish I knew. That fever won't go back down, but that's not what's bothering me. I think he somehow doesn't wish to live anymore, Mistress Brandybuck."  
  
She shook her head, not believing in what he had just said.  
  
"That's impossible. My baby!" She started to cry. "He loves life! He's so young!" She was sobbing until her husband put a hand on her shoulder to support her. The doctor sighed.  
  
"I'm so sorry, but ... I think it's because of the young Took. They should start to meet again. Maybe this could help him, but I'm not sure."  
  
"Thank you, doctor.", Merry's father said and lead the other man to the door.  
  
Merry was lying on his bed, sweat covering his awfully pale face. He clutched the blankets in his sleep.  
  
"No ... no ... please ... Don't ..."  
  
"What's wrong with him, Saradoc?", Merry's mother asked.  
  
"I don't know, darling. I don't know."  
  
  
  
Dreams ...  
  
Why are they bothering me?  
  
Why can't I escape?  
  
NOOOOOO!!! 


	10. Chapter 10

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
A/N: I have no idea what Pearl's husband's name is. So I made one up till I find out about the real one. And another thing: They really are NOT gay in this fic. When they talk about love, they mean brotherly love.  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Pippin ...  
  
Where are you?  
  
Please ... I need you ...  
  
Merry was still asleep in his bed; his little face a masc of pure pain. Inhaling and exhaling hurt him as well as the fact that the only person he had ever loved wasn't with him. Pippin, who was like a brother to him, Pippin, whose mere presence made Merry happy. Why had he left him, the sunshine of his life?  
  
Pippin yawned and stretched. He sniffled and soon the smell of bacon and fried potatoes found the way into his tiny nose. He grinned and jumped out of his bed.  
  
"Peaaarl!"  
  
"What is it, darling?", she asked, smiling.  
  
"I'm hungry!"  
  
She laughed and soon the whole family was eating, until Pearl's husband, Robin, cleared his throat.  
  
"Pippin, I met Mr. Brandybuck today."  
  
Pippin looked up with huge emerald green eyes.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"He said Merry's really ill." Robin sighed. "He might die." Tears welled up in Pippin's eyes.  
  
"Why didn't they tell me? I would've spent my time at Merry's bed! I would've helped him like he helped me!"  
  
Pearl looked at her younger brother. "Are you really willing to do this? He might not be the Merry you knew ..."  
  
"I don't care! Friendship and love are forever, no matter what!" He got up, wiping his tears away. "I have weeped for too long. Now it's time to get up and live."  
  
It took Pippin about two hours to get to Brandy Hall although he forced everything from the pony that it could give. When he finally arrived he stormed through the door, ignoring his aunt and uncle and ran and ran until he arrived at Merry's room.  
  
"Merry! Oh Merry!"  
  
Pippin ran towards Merry's side and rocked him, gently.  
  
"Merry, I'm so sorry."  
  
Merry didn't look up; he was still caught in dreams. 


	11. Chapter 11

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine  
  
A/N: Sorry, that I haven't updated. I simply don't have the time to write as much anymore. I'm a senior now, ya know ...  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Pippin listened to Merry who was talking although he was asleep. It made no sense, though. Nothing that Merry said; single words that were not connected at all. Pippin held his beloved cousin's hand and bit his lip until it started bleeding to keep himself from crying.  
  
A few weeks passed. Merry was still ill and although doctors and midwives from all over the Shire had tried to heal him, no one could. Merry had lost himself in a world of nightmares a long time ago and he wouldn't come back. His father was completely losing it, too. His only son ... this couldn't be real.  
  
Pippin however found a new strength in himself. For once he had to be strong for Merry and not the other way around. Usually people expected that because he was the younger one and everything, but Pippin didn't care anymore about other people. All that mattered was Merry.  
  
Two months passed without any change and slowly everyone was giving up on Merry. He wouldn't get better. He would die.  
  
Pippin ignored this. With all his power he fought for the young hobbit he loved so much. 


	12. Chapter 12

Outcast  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, except for the characters you don't know from LOTR.  
  
A/N: Soooooooorry, I should really update more often!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so busy with my exams, though and now I'm a college-girl and ... gaaaah, I'm sorry. Anyways, many people discussed the whole Saladin/Paladin thing ... ::giggles:: Well, my friend's dad's name is Saladin and I kinda got their names mixed up ... Also, I'm NOT against gay people at all! Most of my fics are slash, but I just didn't want them to be in this story!  
  
A/N 2: Are there any people who are good at drawing fanart reading this? If there are ... would you draw some fanart for this fic? ::puppy eyes:: You will get POWER if you do ... you may tell me what to write in one of the next chapters!  
  
Chapter 12  
  
A few days after Pippin had decided that he had to be strong Merry woke up. He found that Pippin was sleeping at his side. Merry was confused. Why was Pippin there? What was going on? He turned over carefully and watched his younger cousin in his sleep. He definitely looked better than when he had still lived at home, but something seemed to bother Pippin; his fingers were tightly curled around the blanket and he kept murmuring things that Merry didn't understand.  
  
"Pip," Merry whispered. "Pip?"  
  
Merry should never forget Pippin's reaction: all of a sudden the young hobbit jumped up and shook his tiny fist in front of Merry's eyes.  
  
"What's wrong with you?"  
  
"You ...? Not dad ... and you're ... you're awake!"  
  
Pippin threw himself into his best friend's arms and hugged him as tight as he possibly could, squeezing all air out of Merry's lungs.  
  
"Merry! You LIVE!"  
  
"Well, yes, but I might stop doing so if you don't let go of me."  
  
Immediately Pippin drew his arms back, staring at his cousin with huge, tear-filled eyes.  
  
"I thought I had lost you," he whispered. "Everyone said I would and I was the only one who still believed in you."  
  
Merry shook his head slowly to get it clear. "What was wrong with me? I can't remember ... it's all ... gone."  
  
Pippin told his friend about everything, how he had watched over him, how everyone had tried to make Pippin let go. At some points of the story Merry seriously gulped. His life had hung by a thread and it was only Pippin who had kept him alive.  
  
After everything had been talked over Pippin decided to fetch Merry's parents. They were so happy to see their only child awake and well that they did exactly the same thing that Pippin had done, but Merry didn't mind. In fact he was thinking about something.  
  
Not everything that had happened during his coma was gone. There were the dreams. He couldn't quite put a finger on it, but he remembered pieces of them ... like splinters of glass they would cut their way into his thoughts and plague him.  
  
On the one hand he **wanted** to know about them, he needed to, but on the other hand he was afraid of them.  
  
A few days later he was sitting under a tree while Pippin was collecting mushrooms.  
  
"Pip?"  
  
"Mmm?" The younger hobbit had just found a particularly yummy mushroom.  
  
"Can you remember anything from back when we were younger? From when we were first allowed to visit each other on our own."  
  
Pippin thought for a moment, then shrugged. "We did what we still do today, I guess."  
  
"Mmm ... yes, I guess so."  
  
Pippin tilted his head to the side. "Dearest cousin, what's bothering you? Don't say you're fine. You're not."  
  
"The dreams ... there have been so many of them and now ... I can't remember any of them."  
  
"Dreams will always be just that: dreams. They're never going to be true," Pippin stated firmly and kept collecting the ingredients for his favourite dish: Mushroom omelette with onion pie.  
  
Merry wondered when his cousin had become so hard or if he had always been.  
  
A/N: SEE?! I didn't kill Merry! 


End file.
